Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
