Too much gin, very little bucket
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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