Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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