He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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