Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
