Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
