I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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