If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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