It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
