I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
