you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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