so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
