He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
