just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
