My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
