I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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