sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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