I met the friendliest cop last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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