So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
