If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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