He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
