The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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