the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
