I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
