I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
