the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
