which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
