dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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