Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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