Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
