Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
