You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
