Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
