Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
