forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
