I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
