i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
