i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
