all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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