we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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