Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
