New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
