I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
