College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
two words: eviction party
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
