we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
