bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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