I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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