her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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