I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
