how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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