I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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