Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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