This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
